Hole

Jan 6 | Posted by: Andrea Zonn |
I just dug one. A big one.

Lin had to giggle and ask me if it was inside or outside. No, it wasn’t yet another monumental project I had launched into, only to become overwhelmed and dawdle my way to the end. This hole was for the sweet, little hemlock tree I got to commemorate Leonard’s first Christmas. A sweet, little tree with a great big 700 pound rootball.

It felt good. I felt lucky to be enjoying a weird 60 degree January day. Just days ago, it was in the 30’s and freezing at night. Today is overcast and moist. I basked in the scent of the raw earth as I dug. I was thankful that my body is back. Thankful for the little boy napping in my house, the reward for months I spent inhabiting a frail body that drove me nuts. Last summer, I had to bribe people to dig holes for me. “Easy does it” was the norm – not such an easy state for this stubborn girl. Now I’m back to strong. Able. Me.

When I finished my task, I washed my filthy feet in the tub. I laughed to myself. I don’t usually have to do that this time of year. In the warmer months, I prefer to go barefoot. I like to feel things under my feet. Shoes are a nuisance. In fact, when I officiated a wedding last September, I did it barefoot. In my eighth month of pregnancy, I had been confined to nothing but flip flops for any outing, respectable or otherwise. Nothing, but nothing would eek over my feet. But I couldn’t do Jon and Jessi the dishonor of marrying them in flip flops. Nope. Barefoot and pregnant was the authentic thing to do. In the winter, warm, fuzzy footwear becomes the necessity. I don’t like cold feet.

Something about simple chores gets one’s mind going. I’m noticing that most of my friends are contemplating the new year more heavily than in years’ past. I am, too. I don’t know that I’m thinking about resolutions so much as I’m just focused on living a better life.

Leonard has everything to do with that. He’s the Great Inspirer, for me. I’m inspired to procrastinate less, to appreciate more, to create more, to learn more, to be more healthful, to be more present, to be more loving. To create more space and time. To dig deeper.

It’s not that I wasn’t striving for these things before. It’s just that now, I’m intent on making them a given. My world is suddenly revolving around a short, bald, toothless guy who is depending on me. And I want to be not just a good mother, but the mother he deserves. I want his childhood to be filled with the richness of words, music, laughter, loved ones, and curiosity. I want him to squeal with joy when his hands squish in the mud. I want to see the awe in his face when we sit and watch a train go by, then collect the smashed pennies we’ve laid on the tracks.

This year, I’m increasingly aware of the passage of time, of my own aging. God’s sense of humor is intact, and just when I’ve shed the fear that has constrained me in the past, whatever looks I had are fading. You’re funny, God. C’est la vie. Gravity is not kind when you’re approaching 40. My hands are cracked and chapped from countless daily washings. I’m noticing new lines around my eyes and mouth, and my skin just looks tired. But I’m finding beauty in these scars I’ve earned on this body. The stretch marks that now adorn my breasts and belly, and the long, pink C-section scar remind me of Leonard’s brilliant arrival – the most beautiful screaming, accompanied by flailing arms and hands, as though he were conducting a symphony. Grace and agony, perfectly intertwined. God has a way of lacing the extremes together. I love Him for that.

I’m feeling wiser in this new year.

And fearless.

And ready.

I want more substance. I want less stuff. Complacency is a thing of the past. As a friend would say, quality over quantity. I’m coming to think of it as a rich simplicity.

Relationships sit patiently on the sidelines at the moment. In my current mindset, I’m focused on other things. On Leonard and on myself. I’m nesting. I’m planning. I’m playing. I’m thinking. I’m spending 90 percent of my time alone with an infant, and loving every minute of it. I’m living inside my head most of the time, in the constant companionship of God and Leonard. I love it. I need it. I feel like I’m making a pact with myself and this baby. We’ll have a good life. I’m cleansing – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I’m reassessing, purging, shedding the non-essentials in order to make room for more stillness, more richness, more satisfaction. In every way, I feel I’m laying the groundwork for my new, better life. Our new, better life. The life that will allow Leonard and me both to flourish. I’m doing my part so that God can do His. That means I see less of the people I care about these days. But that’s temporary, and they’re understanding. I’m thankful they’re giving me this space, and know that the weight will shift again once I’ve caught my breath. A new balance. Another cycle. I’ll be more centered, more able to give back, more able to enjoy.

Things now require more planning and coordination. Time is spent purposefully. When Leonard is awake, I want to relish every moment. When he’s sleeping, I often go into hummingbird mode. Laundry, paperwork, returning phone calls, kitchen cleanup, and yes, the occasional monumental project – now a bits-and-pieces process. But sometimes, I just sit still in the quiet and watch him sleep. And no matter the activity, I’m contemplating, I’m listening, I’m praying. The wheels are turning. I’m digging. Manifesting. God, Leonard and me.

In this new year, I realize, more than ever, that time is precious. Leonard has already doubled in weight since his birth. He can already hold his head up, and is trying with all of his might to command the use of his hands and legs. There are moments when I’m sure the intent look on his face will be followed with an exquisite explosion of words tumbling out of his mouth. All my friends with children tell me how quickly time races by. I wonder if my current nesting craze is really just a masked attempt to make time stand still. I’m not finished in this moment, God. I haven’t yet loved it enough. It’s not yet seared into my mind. I want to always remember this moment with the immediacy I feel now. I know better. Time is not vertical, it’s linear, each moment seamlessly flowing into the next. But still. I’m not finished with this moment.

So what will this year hold? Lots of giggling. Lots of learning. Lots of milestones. By this time next year, Leonard will be walking and talking. Crazy. What else? Lots of traveling, and lots of music. Leonard will become a bus baby for a few months. His first tour. Hopefully, there will be a handful of intimate dinner parties around this big, old farmhouse table in my kitchen. This year will be, as all my years have come to be, an open prayer.

I’m happy in my little solitary world these days. I trust that I’m on the right path, even if I can’t see the final destination. I feel it, though. God has filled my belly with a satiating sureness.

And in the meantime, I’ll plop that sweet, little hemlock into the hole I dug, along with a blessing for Leonard. It’s only right. After all, he is, to me, a blessing among blessings.

Wow, that's what I was exploring for, what a stuff! existing
here at this web site, thanks admin of this website.

Here is my web site: take a look at the site here - https://www.affilorama.com/member/sanvibonn71

meds online without doctor prescription https://sildenafilxxl.com/ - is there a generic for viagra
cheap viagra online canadian pharmacy [url=https://sildenafilxxl.com/#]buy viagra online[/url] generic viagra

buying cheap cialis online - https://okviacia.com/ tadalafil tablets

cialis mg 5 - <a href="https://viaciaok.com/">viagra visa</a> canadian pharmacy cialis

Fastidious response in return of this question with
solid arguments and describing all concerning that.

my web blog view it now - https://www.forexfactory.com/tralollaip59

sildenafil without a doctor's prescription https://sildenafilxxl.com/ - buy generic 100mg viagra online
canadian viagra [url=https://sildenafilxxl.com/#]cheap viagra[/url] online pharmacy viagra

tadalafil 20mg <a href="https://saleciatad.com/">cheap cialis 20 mg 60 pills</a> tadalafil cialis Hgppsy zsxryg

pay for homework assignment <a href="https://researchpaperssfk.com/#">persuasive speech buy one</a> operations management assignment help

Amazing plenty of useful information.
Modafinil Provigil Buy Uk
<a href="https://topmodafinilrxstore.com/">buy provigil</a>
Provigil For Sad
[url=https://topmodafinilrxstore.com/]provigil[/url]
Provigil Orphan Drug - https://topmodafinilrxstore.com/

is there a generic viagra <a href=" https://sildenafilxxl.com/# ">viagra</a> viagra online canada
erectile dysfunction https://sildenafilxxl.com/ best place to buy viagra online
viagra for men online [url=https://sildenafilxxl.com/#]viagra coupon[/url] walmart viagra

prescription drugs https://sildenafilxxl.com/ - over the counter viagra cvs
cheapest generic viagra [url=https://sildenafilxxl.com/#]buy viagra generic[/url] best place to buy viagra online

cialis cost to nhs
<a href="https://viagraaaap.com/">viagra india online</a>
tadalafil 20 mg troche Mum nodia

Good web site you have here.. It's difficult to find high quality writing like yours these days.
I truly appreciate individuals like you! Take care!!

my website :: <a href="https://hubpages.com/@saserleit61">discover this info here</a>

Cialis Pharmacie Moins Cher Midaallell [url=https://dcialish.com/]cialis[/url] Fetassauts Viagra Kaufen Schneller Versand

online pharmacy viagra <a href=" https://sildenafilxxl.com/# ">buy viagra generic</a> cheap viagra 100mg
is ed reversible https://sildenafilxxl.com/ how to get viagra without a doctor
buy real viagra online [url=https://sildenafilxxl.com/#]generic viagra[/url] best place to buy generic viagra online

tadalafil usa - https://okviacia.com/ cialis 5mg price

Do you have a spam issue on this website; I also am a blogger,
and I was wanting to know your situation; many of us have
created some nice methods and we are looking
to trade solutions with other folks, be sure
to shoot me an e-mail if interested.

my web site - <a href="http://pandora.nla.gov.au/external.html?link=http://fairsquare.com/">simply click the up coming document</a>

cialis 100mg <a href="https://saleciatad.com/">cialis online canada</a> cialis black Ksmrjj jagtwb

viagra over the counter walmart <a href=" https://sildenafilxxl.com/# ">cheap viagra</a> roman viagra
ed medications over the counter https://sildenafilxxl.com/ cheapest generic viagra
viagra without a prescription [url=https://sildenafilxxl.com/#]buy viagra generic[/url] canadian pharmacy viagra

where to get viagra <a href=" https://sildenafilxxl.com/# ">canadian online pharmacy viagra</a> price of viagra
best online drugstore https://sildenafilxxl.com/ online doctor prescription for viagra
canadian pharmacy viagra [url=https://sildenafilxxl.com/#]viagra[/url] viagra without prescription

Sorry, but everyone should know this!
The anti-crisis program, as if you spend $ 10 you will earn $ 500 in one day!

Register and receive:
1.) A bonus of 10,000b to your account.
2.) Money Crisis Gift, Bonus Code: rimba30
3.) Training materials, videos, strategies, and many useful tools.
After registration, you can choose a site in your native language.

If registration from your country fails, use the "free VPN" for your browser.

[url=https://static.olymptrade.com/lands/FX-MT4-03-02en/index.html?af_siteid=FX-MT4-03-02en&affiliate_id=101773&lref=&lrefch=affiliate&pixel=1&subid1=2l1j&subid2=][color=red][b]>>Free Registration<<[/b][/color][/url]

The working scheme of earning from $ 500 per day using the Robot program, fully automatic!

Допустим, вы хозяин нового сайта, который имеет приятный дизайн, удобную навигацию и полезную для покупателей информацию. Но на онлайн-сервис ни кто не заглядывает. Что делать? Если у вас есть собственный бизнес мы поможем вам создать посадочную страницу. Науке давно известно, ни одно настоящее или виртуальное предприятие не может продвигаться самостоятельно. Каждой фирме необходимо подмога в приобретении популярности, а во Всемирной сети без нее решительно не быть из-за бешеной конкуренции.Мы занимаемся разработкой посадочной страницы. Мы готовы запустить полновесный интернет сайт в течение семи суток. Вдобавок оказания отделанных вебсайтов, мы оказываем перечень работ технической подмоги: уместное продление хостинга и доменного имени, добавление наполнения на интернет-проект, публикация новинок. Наши услуги посодействуют вам стать лидером на горизонтах всемирной паутины.

[url=https://apistudio.ru]онлайн продвижение сайтов[/url]

can ed be cured https://sildenafilxxl.com/ best place to buy generic viagra online

viagra cheap <a href=" https://sildenafilxxl.com/# ">cheap viagra</a> generic viagra cost
ed medicine https://sildenafilxxl.com/ - viagra
where can i buy viagra [url=https://sildenafilxxl.com/#]buy cheap viagra[/url] buy viagra online usa

Nicely put. Many thanks.

Buy Provigil Online [url=https://topmodafinilrxpills.com/]modafinil 200mg[/url]

natural remedies for ed problems https://sildenafilxxl.com/ - viagra from india
viagra discount [url=https://sildenafilxxl.com/#]viagra[/url] best place to buy generic viagra online

generic viagra walmart <a href=" https://sildenafilxxl.com/# ">cheap viagra</a> buy generic viagra online
fast ed meds online https://sildenafilxxl.com/ buy generic viagra online
generic viagra india [url=https://sildenafilxxl.com/#]where to get viagra[/url] viagra prices

cialis no prescription - https://okviacia.com/ cialis woman <a href="https://okviacia.com/">best viagra</a>

tadalafil tablets 20mg http://tadaldos.com/ cialis online without prescription <a href="http://tadaldos.com/">price cialis</a> Rbzzrz dinhrn

cialis us http://tadaldos.com/ cialis drug <a href="http://tadaldos.com/">cialis pills for sale</a> Mnspck pmiind

buy medication online https://sildenafilxxl.com/ - walmart viagra
buy generic viagra [url=https://sildenafilxxl.com/#]buy viagra[/url] buy generic viagra

generic viagra cost <a href=" https://sildenafilxxl.com/# ">buy cheap viagra</a> best place to buy generic viagra online
ed men https://sildenafilxxl.com/ cheap viagra
best place to buy generic viagra online [url=https://sildenafilxxl.com/#]generic viagra[/url] generic viagra

online viagra prescription <a href=" https://sildenafilxxl.com/# ">buy viagra online</a> online viagra
ed drug comparison https://sildenafilxxl.com/ price of viagra
viagra generic [url=https://sildenafilxxl.com/#]buy viagra online cheap[/url] online viagra prescription

В поисках экономичного [url=http://geltaxi.ru/taxi-gelendzhik-dzubga]такси Геленджик Джубга[/url]
Вас классно взбудоражут наши единые цены проезда. Самые дешевый расценки в 2020 году. Все автомобили имеют на борту кондиционер. Водители проходят еженедельный контроль здоровья. Доп информация тут [url=https://www.escueladedeportes.cl/portalweb/1419/#comment-142122]Где заказать недорогое такси?[/url] 2f4a79f

Hi, here on the forum guys advised a cool Dating site, be sure to register - you will not REGRET it [url=https://bit.ly/3fsnVVa]https://bit.ly/3fsnVVa[/url]

[url=http://prostitutki-don.com]секс на камеру телефона[/url], размещенные на нашем ресурсе, настолько прекрасны, что выбор будет сделать совсем не просто, но выбрав самую развратную красотку-путану, она воплотит в реальность самые смелые сексуальные фантазии.

buy viagra utah https://sildpline.com/ sildenafil discount <a href="https://sildpline.com/">buy generic viagra online</a> Pjykfv mfxjfn

i need to write an essay <a href="https://thesiswritinghelpsjj.com/#">architecture dissertation</a> help writing an annotated bibliography

i need to write an essay <a href="https://thesiswritinghelpsjj.com/#">architecture dissertation</a> help writing an annotated bibliography

college english essay <a href="https://essaywritingservicesjy.com/#">best college admission essays</a> i suck at writing essays

The cleansing company accomplishes cleansing of spaces of numerous sizes and also configurations.

We provide specialist [url=https://maidservicenyc.pro/]day maid services[/url] for personal customers. Making use of European tools and also accredited devices, we accomplish optimal outcomes and also supply cleansing quickly.

The firm's professionals give cleaning up with the assistance of contemporary technologies, have unique tools, as well as likewise have actually licensed cleaning agents in their arsenal. In addition to the above advantages, red wines use: desirable rates; cleansing quickly; top quality outcomes; greater than 100 positive testimonials. Cleaning up workplaces will assist keep your workplace in order for the most effective work. Any kind of company is extremely crucial environment in the group. Cleansing services that can be ordered cheaply now can assist to arrange it as well as give a comfortable area for labor.

If necessary, we leave cleansing the kitchen 2-3 hrs after positioning the order. You obtain cleaning as soon as possible.

We offer price cuts for those who use the service for the first time, as well as positive regards to teamwork for normal clients.

We offer high-quality cleansing for big enterprises as well as small companies of different instructions, with a price cut of as much as 25%.

Our friendly group offers you to get accustomed with beneficial terms of cooperation for company customers. We responsibly approach our tasks, tidy using expert cleansing items as well as specific equipment. Our workers are trained, have clinical books and also are familiar with the subtleties of eliminating facility and hard-to-remove dust from surfaces.

canadian drugs online https://sildenafilxxl.com/ - canadian viagra
cost of viagra [url=https://sildenafilxxl.com/#]cheap viagra[/url] viagra prices

May I just say what a comfort to find someone who genuinely understands what they're discussing online.
You definitely understand how to bring a problem to light and
make it important. More and read more from here - https://www.unab.edu.ar/index.php/foros/profile/gustafsonhall5/ people should look at this and understand this
side of your story. I was surprised that you aren't more popular because you most certainly
possess the gift.

generic for viagra https://viagtb.com/ united healthcare viagra <a href="https://viagtb.com/">sildenafil discount</a> Ytpjqy dcwkus

buy essay online uk <a href="https://researchpaperssfk.com/#">medical school admission essay</a> help me write my thesis statement

buy essay online uk <a href="https://researchpaperssfk.com/#">medical school admission essay</a> help me write my thesis statement

sildenafil tablets https://viagtb.com/ viagra online prescription <a href="https://viagtb.com/">sildenafil price 100mg</a> Ditipx evhrqc

[url=https://chimmed.ru/products/thioglycolic-acid-solution-80-in-water-id=1297030]THIOGLYCOLIC ACID SOLUTION 80% IN WATER купить онлайн[/url]
Tegs: HEPARG P66SHC KO CELLS купить онлайн https://chimmed.ru/products/heparg-p66shc-ko-cells-id=1297031

[u]ESIRNA TARGETING MOUSE RNASE10 ESIRNA1 купить онлайн[/u]
[i]INCONEL ALLOY 600 HEAT RESISTING ALL купить онлайн[/i]
[b]ESIRNA TARGETING MOUSE RNASE10 ESIRNA1 купить онлайн[/b]

generic viagra online <a href=" https://sildenafilxxl.com/# ">buy viagra generic</a> cheap viagra
ed meds online without doctor prescription https://sildenafilxxl.com/ - canadian pharmacy viagra
order viagra online [url=https://sildenafilxxl.com/#]cheap viagra[/url] generic viagra without a doctor prescription

Wow, this piece of writing is good, my younger sister is analyzing these kinds of things, so I am going to let know her.

Look at my blog ... Go Here - https://topsitenet.com/article/576796-value-of-choosing-a-best-locksmith...

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
Syndicate content