Numbers

Mar 28 | Posted by: Andrea Zonn |
I hate doing my taxes. I’m pretty sure we all do. But it is one of the necessary responsibilities that I face every year about this time. Funny, since every time I do my taxes, I scold myself for waiting this long. I resolve that next year, I’ll knock ‘em out as soon as January rolls around. And yet, mid-March always finds me scrambling like this.

This year has been a unique challenge in that Leonard, now 5 ½ months old, doesn’t really appreciate me spending hours away from him (let alone 30 minutes), even if I’m just in the next room. He also doesn’t seem to get much entertainment sitting next to me in the high chair, watching me dig through my file box of ’07 papers, scribbling things down on my worksheets. Besides, the allure of snuggling with him and playing with him beats the hell out of paperwork.

And so it has become my after-hours task. I put him to sleep, and get to work. All I want is coffee, cigarettes, chocolate and sex. Coffee it is.

I was talking to a friend yesterday morning about our shared loathing for tax time. The truth is, it really doesn’t take that long. I’ve got a decent system, and everything is collected and easy to get to. And yet I stretch the chore over days, even weeks. It’s not that I have to decipher complicated tax codes. I have a guy for that. I have only to present him with an accurate account of my income and expenditures.

No, what gets me is the agonizing. There’s an emotional element that seems out of place here, even ridiculous, and yet, I can’t shake it. Going back through my checkbook registers, credit card statements, and cash receipts is like purgatory, reliving each day and each decision. Would I spend that money again today? I know I would. Because I continue to like and need the things I spend money on. And then there are the unpleasant reminders – money spent at the ER when complications arose after my C-section. And like that. I consider myself a person who deals with life pretty well on an emotional and spiritual level. I don’t continue to relive those C-section complications. But looking at those financial reminders awakens something queasy and sad within me. Weird, huh?

I try to look at this history with gratitude. Thank God I was able to pay these bills, that I have a warm house and food on the table. Aren’t I blessed to have such a bountiful life? Of course I am. In my day-to-day spending reality, I practice and believe this, and yet, here in the paperwork, there’s that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Still. Maybe I just have a healthy resentment for the IRS. I don’t know.

I’m a girl who loves math. I love the absolute. The unwavering truth of it all. The satisfaction that can arise from the solution to any equation, if you’re only willing to, well, do the math. I love it for all the opposite reasons I love to cook. In the kitchen, anything goes, and experimentation rules supreme. Recipes are for pansies. But try to wing it in math, and you’ve got nothing but trouble.

My books are off. It’s driving me crazy. I don’t know how or when it happened. At some point, I stopped doing the math and reconciling my statements. I got lazy. And then I got overwhelmed. Last night, in an attempt to regain control and get every account balanced to the penny again, I found it an impossibility in my two personal accounts. I can’t emphasize enough how much this bothers me.

My checkbook started the year with a negative balance. This is not uncommon, as I try to keep as much as possible in savings, and I move funds back and forth between accounts as I need to. And if I forget, the bank does its nifty little overdraft protection trick to keep me in the black. But as I progressed, I fully expected to have that moment of certainty – “Ah, here’s the thing I forgot about. Now it all makes sense.” I waited to see that positive balance. I waited. And waited. With every chug of the adding machine, the minus sign never abandoned the total. People, I NEVER saw a positive balance.

It was like I was reading a book, someone else’s story, and I had no idea of the outcome. The suspense was killing me. A real page-turner. Would there ever be a positive balance? Would our hero ever escape the villain? Eventually, I had to tell myself to relax my stomach muscles. To exhale all the way.

By July’s entries, I was starting to see some humor in this. After all, in reality, I check my balances online, and know that if I were truly broke, this tax task would be so much easier. “What’s to declare? I ain’t got none.” I started to giggle, and realized that the error must lie within the register I can’t find anywhere in my office. It’s got to be in a box in the attic, alongside the bank statements, just at the top of the stairs. But I’m sure as hell not going up there by myself. At night. With the poor light, and the cold, and the spiders, and the ghosts. Not me.

And yet, I continued on, crunching these ridiculous numbers.

The TV was on quietly in the other room. It was bugging me, that out-of-focus dialogue, that droning noise, that curiously familiar and annoying sound effect. What the hell was that show (chug, chug went the adding machine)? It will drive me crazy not to know (crunch), not to identify (chug, chug) that stupid sound. I glanced up at the clock. Ten to two. I’ll get up in a minute and look at the TV long enough to resolve this dilemma before shutting the damn thing off. But I can’t stop just yet, or I’ll lose my place. Work faster. Just get it done. Chug, chug, crunch, crunch....

Something funny happened along the way. There was one number which brought me such exquisite joy. I was totally unprepared for it. Usually, I delight in the deposits, and get anxious over the expenditures. That’s the way it is. But when I came across this number, I almost teared up. It was the check I wrote to the hospital for Leonard’s birth. Not for my delivery expenses, but just for him. His first 3 days on the planet. What a sweet surprise. For that moment, the sick feeling lifted, and I really did feel the gratitude and blessing of it all.

At two minutes ‘til two, it hits me. That racket is none other than Who Wants to Be A damn Millionaire. I laughed out loud. And I didn’t get up. And I didn’t quit tallying up the total until I reached the end of the register. At quarter ‘til three.

Then I pulled out the last bank statements I received. I’d balance the books like I used to, and will from this point forward, be in habit of doing. Before I dropped the ball. Before I got overwhelmed and disorganized, before my files got turned upside down in the divorce, and my house got turned upside down in the move, before I got pregnant, before I was a mother, before I became sidetracked and exhausted... I’d already gone through every statement, reconciling all the entries, making sure all the information was there. So now, it was just a matter of the math. Simple enough. Oh, dear. I’m off. Way off. Like by almost twenty grand. (Where is David Lasley when you need him)? My checking account is off by over 7000 dollars. And my savings, over eleven. The good news? The negative balance is in my books, not the bank’s. According to them, I have positive cash flow. Way to make a mistake, Zonn.

None of that task, but none of it, had anything to do with getting my taxes done. Like writing this piece, it’s only a little jaunt down a side path, part of my necessary procrastination. Alas, in a moment, I will resume the tedium that really does need my attention. I just don’t like to do it all at once. Somehow, a little organization makes me feel like I won’t be in such a state next year. A little writing is good for the soul.

And as for that mysterious discrepancy in the books? I did what any self-respecting, attic-fearing girl would do. I cut to the chase and adjusted my books to agree with the bank’s. I feel like I just won a silly game show.

<a href=https://worldrx100.online/#></a>
https://antib500.com/ can i buy valtrex over the counter uk
<a href=" https://antib500.online/# ">where can i get amoxicillin</a> amoxicillin pills 500 mg

<a href=https://trustrx100.com/#>prednisone cost 10mg</a> prednisone 5 mg tablet without a prescription
https://worldrx100.online/
<a href=" https://trustrx100.com/# ">prednisone buy cheap</a> prednisone otc uk

<a href=" https://antib100.online/# ">new ed treatments</a> natural ed remedies or <a href=" https://worldrx100.online/# "></a> or <a href=" https://worldrx100.com/# ">cost of generic zithromax</a> cost of generic zithromax or <a href=" https://trustrx100.com/# ">prednisone coupon</a> prednisone tablets or <a href=" https://trustrx100.online/# ">zantac coupons</a> zantac recall

<a href=" https://trustrx100.online/# ">zantac recall</a> zantac coupon or <a href=" https://antib100.com/# ">ventolin nz</a> generic ventolin inhaler or <a href=" https://worldrx100.com/# ">can i buy zithromax over the counter</a> zithromax online usa or <a href=" https://antib100.com/# ">where can i buy ventolin in uk</a> can i buy ventolin over the counter in usa or <a href=" https://trustrx100.online/# ">generic zantac for sale</a> zantac coupons

<a href=https://antib100.com/#>buy ventolin over the counter with paypal</a> ventolin discount coupon
https://antib100.com/ canada to usa ventolin
<a href=" https://worldrx100.com/# ">zithromax antibiotic</a> zithromax 500mg over the counter

how to buy reglan 10 mg <a href="https://reglant.com/">how to purchase reglan</a> cheapest reglan

<a href=https://worldrx100.online/#></a>
https://trustrx100.online/ zantac generic
<a href=" https://antib100.com/# ">ventolin australia buy</a> cheap ventolin uk

<a href=https://antib100.com/#>ventolin cost australia</a> ventolin cost uk
https://trustrx100.online/ buy zantac online
<a href=" https://trustrx100.com/# ">prednisone 12 tablets price</a> 100 mg prednisone daily

india pharmacy <a href="http://canadianonline-pharmacydazc.com/#">online pharmacy no prescription</a> canadian online pharmacy

<a href=" https://trustrx100.com/# ">prednisone 54899</a> prednisone 20mg price or <a href=" https://antib500.online/# ">where to get amoxicillin over the counter</a> amoxicillin 800 mg price or <a href=" https://trustrx100.com/# ">prednisone pharmacy prices</a> how can i order prednisone or <a href=" https://antib500.online/# ">buy amoxicillin online mexico</a> buy amoxicillin from canada or <a href=" https://trustrx100.com/# ">25 mg prednisone</a> canada pharmacy prednisone

erectile dysfunction medications <a href="http://canadadrugsonlinevbyh.com/#">best ed medication</a> rx pharmacy online

ed meds online without doctor prescription <a href="http://canadapharmacyonlinestbh.com/#">canada online pharmacy</a> sex ed

<a href=https://antib500.online/#>order amoxicillin uk</a> amoxicillin 250 mg capsule
https://worldrx100.com/ zithromax 600 mg tablets
<a href=" https://antib100.com/# ">no prescription ventolin</a> ventolin india

<a href=https://worldrx100.com/#>buy zithromax online fast shipping</a> can you buy zithromax over the counter in australia
https://antib100.online/ buying ed pills online
<a href=" https://trustrx100.online/# ">zantac online</a> cheap zantac

<a href=https://antib100.online/#>natural treatment for ed</a> ed help
https://antib100.online/ canadian online drugstore
<a href=" https://antib500.com/# ">valtrex tablet</a> valtrex in australia

<a href=" https://antib100.com/# ">ventolin rx</a> ventolin cap or <a href=" https://antib500.com/# ">cost of valtrex canada</a> valtrex cream prescription or <a href=" https://trustrx100.online/# ">zantac prices</a> zantac or <a href=" https://antib100.com/# ">ventolin coupon</a> ventolin for sale canada or <a href=" https://antib500.online/# ">amoxicillin cost australia</a> amoxicillin 500 mg without a prescription

rx <a href="http://onlinepharmacyzefb.com/#">canadian pharmacy cialis</a> canadian pharmacy cialis

<a href=https://worldrx100.com/#>how to buy zithromax online</a> zithromax online usa
https://antib500.com/ canadian pharmacy valtrex
<a href=" https://trustrx100.online/# ">zantac recall</a> zantac coupon

<a href=" https://antib100.online/# ">buy prescription drugs without doctor</a> online ed meds or <a href=" https://worldrx100.com/# ">zithromax online usa no prescription</a> zithromax 250 mg or <a href=" https://trustrx100.online/# ">zantac 150</a> generic zantac for sale or <a href=" https://antib500.online/# ">amoxicillin 500mg no prescription</a> amoxicillin generic or <a href=" https://antib500.com/# ">buy generic valtrex online</a> cheap valtrex 1000 mg

<a href=https://worldrx100.com/#>zithromax 600 mg tablets</a> buy cheap zithromax online
https://trustrx100.com/ 200 mg prednisone daily
<a href=" https://worldrx100.online/# "></a>

<a href=" https://antib500.online/# ">amoxicillin 500mg</a> buy amoxicillin 500mg capsules uk or <a href=" https://trustrx100.online/# ">cheap zantac</a> order zantac or <a href=" https://worldrx100.online/# "></a> or <a href=" https://antib500.com/# ">valtrex without insurance</a> valtrex uk pharmacy or <a href=" https://antib500.online/# ">amoxicillin 500 mg without prescription</a> generic amoxicillin over the counter

online pharmacy reviews <a href="http://canadadrugsonlinevbyh.com/#">erectile dysfunction</a> ed

what is the generic for cialis - https://cialviap.com/ order vardenafil

cialis brand - https://cialviap.com/ levitra usa

<a href="https://levitraye.com">generic levitra</a>

<a href=" https://worldrx100.online/# "></a> or <a href=" https://antib500.com/# ">buy generic valtrex</a> valtrex over the counter usa or <a href=" https://worldrx100.online/# "></a> or <a href=" https://worldrx100.com/# ">order zithromax without prescription</a> zithromax z-pak or <a href=" https://antib100.online/# ">cheap erectile dysfunction pill</a> dog antibiotics without vet prescription

<a href=" https://worldrx100.com/# ">can you buy zithromax online</a> zithromax online paypal or <a href=" https://worldrx100.online/# "></a> or <a href=" https://antib100.online/# ">drugs online</a> erectile dysfunction medications or <a href=" https://antib100.com/# ">ventolin tablet 4mg</a> buying ventolin online or <a href=" https://trustrx100.com/# ">prednisone 100 mg</a> prednisone 10mg cost

canadian online pharmacy <a href="http://canadapharmacyliiu.com/#">approved canadian online pharmacies</a> usa pharmacy

<a href=https://worldrx100.com/#>zithromax 250mg</a> zithromax 500mg
https://worldrx100.online/
<a href=" https://antib500.com/# ">valtrex tablets for sale</a> discount valtrex online

<a href=https://antib100.com/#>ventolin nebules</a> ventolin for sale
https://antib500.com/ generic valtrex 1000mg for sale
<a href=" https://worldrx100.com/# ">zithromax generic price</a> can you buy zithromax over the counter in australia

buy pulmicort 100 mcg <a href="https://pulmicorte.com/">cheapest pulmicort 100 mcg</a> pulmicort 200 mcg pills

provigil pharmacy <a href="http://provigilmed.com/">provigil 200mg for sale</a> how to purchase provigil 100 mg

cialis 5mg once a day - https://cialviap.com/ order levitra

<a href=https://antib500.online/#>how much is amoxicillin</a> amoxicillin for sale
https://antib100.com/ generic ventolin
<a href=" https://antib500.online/# ">amoxicillin 250 mg capsule</a> can you buy amoxicillin over the counter in canada

canada pharmacy reviews <a href="http://canadian-pharmaciesthsh.com/#">pharmacy rx world</a> erectile dysfunction causes

zyqrdf Esxw44r <a href=https://levitraye.com>levitra buy</a> what is low blood pressure vote for health care reform

online pharmacies <a href="http://onlinepharmacyzefb.com/#">pharmacy cheap</a> online pharmacy

<a href=https://antib100.online/#>ed treatments</a> erectal disfunction
https://antib100.online/ natural treatments for ed
<a href=" https://antib500.online/# ">amoxicillin 500mg without prescription</a> where to buy amoxicillin 500mg

<a href=" https://antib500.online/# ">amoxicillin 250 mg</a> amoxicillin 500mg over the counter or <a href=" https://worldrx100.online/# "></a> or <a href=" https://trustrx100.com/# ">order prednisone 10mg</a> how can i get prednisone or <a href=" https://antib500.online/# ">amoxicillin 500mg buy online uk</a> amoxicillin price without insurance or <a href=" https://antib100.com/# ">ventolin over the counter singapore</a> ventolin without a prescription

<a href=https://trustrx100.online/#>generic zantac online</a> buy zantac online
https://antib100.online/ canadian drugstore online
<a href=" https://trustrx100.com/# ">prednisone price canada</a> prednisone buy

<a href=https://trustrx100.com/#>prednisone for sale no prescription</a> where can i buy prednisone
https://antib100.com/ buy ventolin online canada
<a href=" https://antib100.online/# ">buy ed pills</a> pharmacy medications

<a href=https://antib100.online/#>ed problems treatment</a> viagra without a doctor prescription
https://trustrx100.online/ zantac carcinogen
<a href=" https://worldrx100.online/# "></a>

<a href=https://trustrx100.online/#>generic zantac for sale</a> zantac 150
https://worldrx100.online/
<a href=" https://trustrx100.com/# ">prednisone 50 mg tablet cost</a> prednisone brand name us

can you buy viagra in cancun mexico
<a href="https://doctorpbn.com/#">viagra tablets in chennai </a>
cialis professional erfahrung Mum nodia

purchase clindamycin phosphate topical solution
<a href="https://doctorpbn.com/#">generic viagra in canada </a>
viagra online store coupons Wex dar

<a href=" https://antib100.com/# ">ventolin prescription canada</a> ventolin 500 mcg or <a href=" https://worldrx100.com/# ">buy generic zithromax online</a> zithromax 500 mg lowest price pharmacy online or <a href=" https://antib500.com/# ">valtrex without insurance</a> valtrex 500 mg uk price or <a href=" https://trustrx100.online/# ">zantac generic</a> cheap zantac or <a href=" https://worldrx100.online/# "></a>

buy online order cialis - https://edcivip.com/ vardenafil 10mg

<a href=https://worldrx100.com/#>buy zithromax online australia</a> purchase zithromax z-pak
https://antib100.online/ buy ed pills online
<a href=" https://antib100.online/# ">pumps for ed</a> homepage

<a href=https://antib500.com/#>valtrex no prescription</a> valtrex online
https://antib100.online/ hims ed pills
<a href=" https://antib100.online/# ">erectile dysfunction drug</a> best male ed pills

<a href=https://antib500.com/#>valtrex price in canada</a> valtrex 500mg uk
https://antib500.com/ valtrex generic prescription
<a href=" https://trustrx100.com/# ">prednisone 5 mg tablet rx</a> prednisone 10 tablet

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
Syndicate content