Dec 6 | Posted by: Andrea Zonn |

My New Year’s resolutions have already started.  I don’t know what it is that arises within me, usually at this time of year, that makes me want to take stock, reassess and take charge of some aspect of my life.  It seems to be a seasonal thing.  Three occasions a year when that need presents itself, vying for attention above all other matters, the other two being the first of Spring and the first of Fall.  Open the windows, shake out the cobwebs, and feel reenergized, claim new resolve.


But the moment at hand isn’t for open windows.  I’ve spent the greater part of the past week steeped in my late father’s life.  I’ve been procrastinating.  Monday marks eight years since his passing.  A grand pile of computers and hard drives landed in my studio a couple of months ago, courtesy of my brother Brian.  Prior to that, they resided in my mother’s garage, where they became home to a multitude of spiders and dust bunnies.  Three years ago, she moved them from the wreck of an office my dad had occupied at their former home.  For eight years, she’s been asking me to deal with them, and for eight years, I’ve been filled with dread.  And for good reason.


Every family enjoys some level of dysfunction.  We just do.  Every family establishes a system for communication and behavior that is only understood within the context of that household.  Behaviors that are exercised there rarely work in the outside world.  Mine was, and is, no different.  My father was a born professor.  Not just any professor, but the chair of his department at the University of Illinois.  He was used to students and faculty alike coming to him for guidance and learning.  He rightfully expected that of his children, as well.  I had no problem with that when I was actually a child.  But when I was finding my way as an adult, I didn’t always want or need to seek his counsel.  Sometimes he wanted to impose it on me anyway, and we had some ugly confrontations.


When he contracted melanoma, and then Guillain-Barre Syndrome, it was the beginning of the end.  Nearly two years he would spend in and out of hospitals and rehabilitation facilities.  GB immediately took away his ability to walk, the command of his arms, legs and fingers, and during more pronounced stages of his illness, even his ability to breathe and swallow.  That’s when my father disappeared.  That’s when my mother disappeared.  And I felt left to fend for my own well-being.


Immediately after my father’s passing, I wasn’t too anxious to get inside his head.  That little girl inside me had her own well-being to tend to, after all.


I’ve done, and continue to do a lot of healing.  I know that my dad was just in survival when he was sick.  His life was at stake, which meant that he simply wasn’t able to reach out beyond himself and nurture anyone else.  I knew that even then.  There are times when you have to leave your inner child waiting in the car.  It’s not safe to take them into some situations.


I do really miss him.  I miss his voice, and his wisdom.  I miss his laughter, and his enthusiasm.  I miss his curiosity.  I miss his smile.  And the sparkle in his eyes.


I miss him for Leonard.  I see him in Leonard.


So now, I’m ready to deal with the content of those damn computers.  Dinosaurs, they are now.  Machines that haven’t been turned on in at least ten years.  Slow.  Obsolete applications and software.  Floppy disks.  Scuzy cables.  Even a couple of my old computers that he claimed when I was done.


When my father passed, it was just too raw, too open.  For a long time.  Then I dreaded getting into his head.  In his life, he was always able to keep track of things, and had a half-assed system to organize the portion of his life’s work kept in these old computers.


There are no social security numbers, legal documents or other items embedded in these hard drives.  But there are compositions and their accompanying program notes.  There are love poems written to my mother.  There are song lyrics.  And album credits.  And liner notes.  And letters of recommendation.


But we didn’t know any of that.  Because I couldn’t bring myself to start the process.

Just wish to say your article is as astonishing. The clearness on your submit
is just spectacular and that i could suppose you are an expert on this subject.
Well together with your permission let me to snatch your feed to stay up to date with approaching post.
Thanks a million and please carry on the rewarding work.

It's nearly impossible to find experienced people for this
subject, however, you seem like you know what you're talking about!

Good day! This is kind of off topic but I need some guidance from an established blog.
Is it very hard to set up your own blog? I'm not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast.

I'm thinking about creating my own but I'm not sure where to begin. Do you have any tips or suggestions?

Hi there all, here every one is sharing such experience,
so it's nice to read this blog, and I used to go to see this blog all
the time.

Terrific article! That is the type of info that are supposed
to be shared around the internet. Shame on the seek
engines for now not positioning this post upper!
Come on over and consult with my site . Thanks =)

Remarkable! Its genuinely awesome paragraph, I have got much clear idea regarding from this piece
of writing.

Right here is the perfect web site for anyone who wants to understand this topic.
You know so much its almost tough to argue with you (not that I really would want to…HaHa).
You certainly put a new spin on a subject which has been written about for years.
Wonderful stuff, just great!

This site was... how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something which
helped me. Cheers!

Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any
widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates.
I've been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe
you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything.
I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

I feel this is among the such a lot significant information for me.
And i am happy reading your article. However wanna commentary on some basic things, The website
style is ideal, the articles is actually nice : D. Excellent job, cheers

Everyone loves it when folks come together and share
views. Great site, stick with it!

Can you tell us more about this? I'd love to find out
some additional information.

donepezil without a prescription <a href="https://donepezilrx.com/">donepezil 10 mg pillsdonepezil uk</a> cheapest donepezil

When I originally commented I clicked the "Notify me when new comments are added" checkbox and
now each time a comment is added I get three emails with the same comment.
Is there any way you can remove people from that service?

It's wonderful that you are getting thoughts from this piece
of writing as well as from our discussion made here.

Wow! After all I got a weblog from where I know how to genuinely obtain valuable facts regarding
my study and knowledge.

I read this paragraph completely on the topic of
the comparison of hottest and preceding technologies, it's remarkable

It's wonderful that you are getting ideas from this paragraph as well as from our dialogue made at
this time.

I am really impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout on your blog.
Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself?
Anyway keep up the nice quality writing, it is rare to
see a nice blog like this one nowadays.

Hello this is kinda of off topic but I was wanting
to know if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have
to manually code with HTML. I'm starting a blog soon but have
no coding expertise so I wanted to get guidance from someone with experience.
Any help would be enormously appreciated!

I every time used to read article in news papers
but now as I am a user of internet thus from now I am using net for articles or reviews, thanks to web.

Hi there, after reading this amazing article i am too
glad to share my familiarity here with friends.

Helpful info. Lucky me I discovered your web site by chance,
and I am surprised why this twist of fate did not happened in advance!

I bookmarked it.

You can certainly see your expertise in the article you write.
The arena hopes for even more passionate writers such as
you who are not afraid to say how they believe. Always go after your heart.

You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be really
something that I think I would never understand.
It seems too complex and extremely broad for me.
I am looking forward for your next post, I will try to get
the hang of it!

It's very trouble-free to find out any matter on net as compared to books, as I
found this article at this site.

Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you writing this article plus the rest of the site is very good.

Hey would you mind letting me know which web host you're utilizing?
I've loaded your blog in 3 completely different browsers and
I must say this blog loads a lot quicker then most. Can you
suggest a good internet hosting provider at a honest price?

Thanks a lot, I appreciate it!

the department of health and human services cialis probleme
<a href="https://withoutshort.com">viagra without a doctor prescription</a> Etdmdra
https://withoutshort.com buy viagra

Undeniably believe that which you said. Your favourite justification appeared
to be on the net the easiest thing to take note of.
I say to you, I definitely get annoyed even as other folks
consider issues that they plainly do not realize about. You managed
to hit the nail upon the highest and outlined out the
whole thing without having side-effects , other people could take
a signal. Will likely be again to get more. Thanks

Howdy! I just would like to offer you a huge thumbs up for the great info you have got here on this post.
I will be coming back to your website for more soon.

Very quickly this site will be famous among all blogging visitors,
due to it's good posts

Undeniably believe that which you said. Your
favorite justification seemed to be on the net the simplest thing to be
aware of. I say to you, I definitely get irked
while people consider worries that they plainly do not know about.
You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out
the whole thing without having side-effects , people could
take a signal. Will probably be back to get more.

Magnificent beat ! I would like to apprentice whilst you amend your web site,
how could i subscribe for a blog web site?
The account helped me a applicable deal. I were a little bit acquainted of this your
broadcast offered brilliant transparent idea

online casinos for usa players - http://cacinobz.com/ online casino real money usa

Heya i am for the primary time here. I found this board and I in finding It truly useful & it helped me out
much. I'm hoping to offer something back and aid others such as you helped me.

Very good article! We will be linking to this great post on our website.

Keep up the good writing.

It is appropriate time to make a few plans for the long run and it's
time to be happy. I have learn this publish and if I may just
I desire to suggest you few interesting things or
tips. Maybe you could write next articles relating to this article.

I desire to read more issues approximately it!

each time i used to read smaller articles or reviews which
also clear their motive, and that is also happening with this paragraph which I am reading now.

whoah this blog is excellent i like studying your
articles. Stay up the good work! You realize, many people are
hunting round for this information, you could aid them greatly.

Right away I am ready to do my breakfast, after having my breakfast
coming over again to read other news.

I do not even understand how I finished up
right here, but I thought this put up used to be great.
I don't recognise who you are but definitely you're
going to a famous blogger if you happen to are
not already. Cheers!

Awesome! Its in fact amazing piece of writing, I have got much clear idea regarding from this piece of writing.

Nice post. I learn something totally new and challenging on blogs I stumbleupon every
day. It's always useful to read content from other writers and practice a little something from other sites.

Hello, I think your website might be having browser compatibility issues.
When I look at your website in Safari, it looks fine but
when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some
overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads
up! Other then that, excellent blog!

I am truly glad to read this website posts which consists of tons of useful facts,
thanks for providing such statistics.

Superb, what a web site it is! This weblog presents helpful
data to us, keep it up.

It's genuinely very difficult in this full of activity life to listen news on TV, so I only use the web for that reason, and take the latest news.

A motivating discussion is definitely worth comment.
I do believe that you ought to write more on this
issue, it might not be a taboo subject but usually people
don't speak about such issues. To the next!

Kind regards!!

I think this is one of the most important information for me.
And i am glad reading your article. But wanna remark on few general things, The site style is ideal, the articles is really excellent
: D. Good job, cheers

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
Syndicate content